Embracing the Soft Life: Finding Peace and Joy Amidst Reality

OK, here’s the thing: we’ve all heard about this “soft life” everyone keeps talking about, but for most Gen X women? It feels like some Instagram fantasy that has nothing to do with our actual lives. But let’s talk about it , because a soft life doesn’t mean everything is easy. It means you choose peace over constant pressure. It’s not laziness; it’s literally survival. Living softly means you intentionally design your life around balance, joy, and sustainability rather than running yourself into the ground.

For women like us, raised on “grind culture” and “girl boss” energy, this shift feels radical. We were taught that stress was a badge of honor, that success required sacrifice, and that asking for help made you weak. But listen, stress kills. Literally. I’ve been a family medicine and sports medicine physician for over 22 years, and I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Your body, mind, and spirit are not meant to live in a constant state of survival mode. So when you tell me, “I’ve always handled stress well,” I need you to ask yourself: At what cost?

Taking flights. Always booked and ready to take some time to just be...

Why Gen X Women Struggle With the Soft Life

We are the in-between generation, raised by boomers who prized resilience and responsibility, and parenting millennials and Gen Z kids who are out here redefining rest, therapy, and boundaries like it’s their job. We’re multitasking mothers, professionals, and caretakers who never learned how to stop. Even when our bodies whisper rest, our minds shout keep going.

I get it because I lived it. There was a season when I was running my kids to four and five practices a day, getting home at 10 PM, charting notes until midnight, and seeing my first patient at 6:45 the next morning. At one point, I literally had a tantrum in my kitchen and told my family they could either eat Ramen or nothing. That’s not a flex — that’s a cry for help.

The burnout was a slow creep at first. I’d feel it around the edges and make little adjustments here and there. But the big realization? That came in April 2024. I sat on my bedroom floor and just wanted to cry. Not the pretty kind of cry  the ugly, soul-deep, “I cannot do this anymore” kind. And that’s when I knew something had to change.

Here’s what I see in my practice every single day: women coming in sick, exhausted, anxious, dealing with high blood pressure, migraines, insomnia, and when I ask about stress, they say, “Well, I should be able to handle it. I’ve always handled it.” That hyper-independent, super-woman mentality? It’s killing us. And “soft” doesn’t mean “weak.” It means finally giving yourself permission to rest, to receive help, and to release control. It means leaning on others. It means saying, “I don’t have it today,” without apologizing for it.

Having fun at the office in my figs scrubs. I was a piggy for Halloween

How to Start Living a Softer Life

You don’t have to quit your job, move to Bali, or spend thousands on wellness retreats. Soft life starts with intentional choices, small daily shifts that make your life gentler and more peaceful. Here’s what’s actually worked for me and my patients.

1. Simplify Your Routines

If you can afford to outsource, do it. Hire someone to clean your home once a week or biweekly. If that’s not an option, make strategic swaps that lighten your load. For example:

Simplify meals: Mondays are “easy dinner nights” at my house. That might mean air fryer wings and potato wedges, Trader Joe’s orange chicken, or simple burgers. Tuesdays? Taco Tuesday done. I save my elaborate cooking for Sundays when I actually have time to enjoy it. And if I don’t feel like cooking? I tell my kids, “We’re doing something easy tonight, no arguments.” That’s soft life.

Use grocery delivery: Services like Instacart, Amazon Fresh, or Walmart+ let you reclaim hours each week. Hours you can spend doing literally anything else.

2. Outsource the Laundry Guilt

Listen, I found out about Poplin from a Facebook post one of my friends shared about laundry services, and I was like, “Oh, I am ALL in.” I packed up all my laundry that same day, put it in bags like they told me to, set it on the porch, and boom — the next day I got my laundry back folded and perfect. I literally said, “Thank you, Jesus, for letting me have this.” It was a spiritual experience.

My husband folds laundry now because he works from home, but when he traveled, I used wash-and-fold services like HappyNest, Tide Cleaners, and Poplin. Some even pick up and drop off at your porch. If that’s not available in your area, consider an old-school laundromat run,  all your laundry done in one sitting while you read or listen to music in peace. That’s still soft life.

3. Use AI and Tech to Lighten the Mental Load

AI isn’t replacing your brain; it’s helping you organize it. I use ChatGPT to make weekly lists, meal plans, and project outlines so I don’t drop the ball between my patients, my students, and my kids. My husband also bought me an electronic calendar for Mother’s Day, and it was honestly the best gift ever. I can put everything on my calendar and it syncs across all my devices, it’s perfect for soft life living.

Apps like Notion, Google Calendar, and Todoist can help you stay centered and sane. Use the tools. Let technology work for you.

4. Set Boundaries (Even When It’s Hard)

This one was tough for me. My kids are very athletic, my son just turned 14 and he’s 6’2”,  so I have these competitive, strong-willed children who love sports. For years, we were doing four to five activities at once, and it was absolute chaos. In 2024, I sat my kids down and told them we would no longer be doing four to five sports. They get to choose one activity per semester.

Now, did they negotiate? Absolutely. We ended up at about 1.5 activities (one plays two basketball teams, another does sports and band), but we are NOT doing four sports anymore. And honestly? It’s made our schedule so much easier for me and my husband to navigate. It’s also taught my kids that boundaries aren’t punishments, they’re protection for the whole family.

5. Plan Your Peace

Every Sunday, I plan my week: dinners, workouts, meetings, and self-care moments. This ritual keeps me grounded. You can do the same, even if it’s just setting aside 15 minutes to decide what meals you’ll make and what nights you’ll rest. Peace doesn’t just happen. You have to plan for it.

Your peace natters

Reprogramming the Mind: You Deserve Ease

The hardest part of embracing soft life isn’t the logistics,  it’s the mindset. You have to believe you deserve a peaceful life. You are not a machine; you are a human being. It’s okay to say, “I have nothing to give this weekend.” It’s okay to rest. It’s okay to not be everything to everyone.

You can’t control everything,  not your parents’ aging health, not every crisis at work, not even your children’s packed schedules,  but you can control your time, your boundaries, and your peace. That’s the power of the soft life.

So take the trip. Sit in silence. Order the groceries. Let the clothes pile up for a day. Say no when you mean no. Tell your kids they can only do one sport this season. This is your permission slip to stop surviving and start living.

Taking time to reflect on my annual Martha's Vineyard trip. In total peace

Final Reflection

The soft life isn’t about luxury; it’s about intention. It’s not about what you have,  it’s about how you live. For Gen X women, this is our chance to rewrite the story. We’ve spent decades holding everything together. Now it’s time to give ourselves the grace and the ability to have a softer life.

And remember: everybody’s soft life is going to look different. My soft life was getting a laundry service and thinking it was the best thing in my world. Your soft life might be telling your kids, “I’m sorry, I don’t feel like cooking a big meal today, so we’re eating something easy.” It might be saying to your family, “You can only do one activity per season.” It might be saying no to protect us all.

Life is going to happen. But we get to decide how we show up for it. Let’s get healthier together. Let’s realize that wanting and needing something softer isn’t weakness, it’s wisdom. And honestly? It’s about time.